My thighs are sore from my pathetic run yesterday

I'm starting to think that the baby weight is not going to come off all by itself (it was so promising when I lost 17 pounds in the first week) so I've recently come to the conclusion that it's time to start e & e (excersing and eating right). Much like an r&r in the academic world, it seems exciting until you actually start doing it and then you just want it to be over. So I was trying to think of things that I could do with Kirk to address the first "e" (the second "e" is going to be harder because I am so hungry which they say is related to the breast feeding. Of course I could work a little more to avoid the leftover halloween candy from the children that never came to the door). We are fortunate enough to have exercise equipment in the house (well the guest house) but Kirk is not at the stage yet where you can count on him to be out for an hour so I decided to try running with him in the stroller. He likes the stroller so I figured that would be a good bet. Plus it would probably be more interesting for him. So there I am...getting excited for my old tunes on the ipod, digging out the running shoes and sports bra...and off I go! First I walk a bit just to ease into it and then whoo hoo, I'm running! This is a weird feeling...I don't think I've ran in over a year....yep, not in 2010 that's for sure. It's kind of exhilarating...except I don't think I remember it being this hard to pick up my legs. And I'm pretty sure my butt didn't jiggle like that before. Oh yep, there's a cramp...ok gotta slow down...lets walk for a bit. How long was that? Um 30 seconds. This was how my run went for the next half hour. I tried to run harder by my neighbors out in their garage. Like they care about the post-pregnant lady huffing by with a stroller. But it was a small boost of motivation. And today, my thighs are sore. Unbelievable. Not so long ago my husband and I were thinking of re-joining a soccer team (just before I got pregnant). I am a long way aways from that.

Kirk's first smile!

Today we got our first smile! First social smile that is. He had smiles since day 2 but today I actually got him to smile back at me...twice!

1 month old

I can't believe Kirk is 1 month old already. He's in his swing right now. We are all adjusting pretty well to the changes. The first two weeks was harder but now he knows the difference between day and night (yay) and I am getting better at figuring out what he needs. So going back to the day he was born...

The pushing part actually lasted an hour which isn't really that long (it can take 2 to 3 hours for first time moms) but it's not like on tv when you think you just give it a couple good pushes and he comes flying out. I actually felt like I was running a marathon (not that I've ever done that....but I have done a short triathlon and it was something like that. You just keep going even though you don't feel like you're making any progress). I would push anytime I had a contraction so when I wasn't having a contraction I actually got a pretty good break when I didn't feel any pain and could get some ice chips (I was super hot and really thirsty during all of this. Although my husband told me later it was like a refrigerator in their). We tried a few different positions. The nurse wanted me flat on my back, holding my legs but I really didn't like that. For awhile I was squatting on top of the bed with a squatting bar. THat was comfortable for me but the baby wasn't tolerating it well so I leaned back a bit and wrapped a sheet around the squattting bar with the doula holding one side and me holding the other. Then when I went to push I held myself up by pulling the sheet and she held the other end like a tug of war. That worked pretty well so that was the position I stayed in. The doctor doesn't come in until the very end (the crowning).

Part of the difficulty of pushing is the fear associated with it (the harder the push the faster this is over with but it also means it will hurt more). But the whole time I just kept thinking I need to push him out....although I honsetly felt like it would never come. At one point the nurse brought over a big mirror so I could see my progress. It helped a little. But then as it go really close I just had to shut my eyes and focus on pushing as hard as I could. I'm not going to lie...it hurts like a mother the momment the head comes out (I had 2-3 degree tears) and you feel the "ring of fire" (code for the burning sensation you feel as your tearing) but I was also so immensely happy that as soon as he came out I honestly didn't feel any pain at all and felt awesome. My husband and I were both crying (and so was Kirk!) and it was the best momment ever. He laid on me for awhile and eventually they took him to get weighed (6 lbs 3 ounces (11th percentile), 19 inches (20th percentile)) and then wrapped him up for me. At some point I breast fed him and he latched right on. It was the coolest thing. I delivered the placenta by the doctor pushing on my stomach a bit and then she stitched me up. The numbing shot and the pushing hurt a little but I was so excited to have Kirk that it was very bearable. Eventually the nurse had me get up to the bathroom to get cleaned up and they sent my husband and Kirk off to the nursery for his first bath. I then was sent to my recovery room. Unfortunately I had to share a room with someone (who happened to have about 10 visitors when I got there) but the hospital gave us each a $100 gift certificate to spend a the gift shop for the inconvenience (which I used to buy a bunch of breast feeding supplies).

My mother and father in law stopped by just as I was getting into the recovery room so they went down to the nursary to watch outside the glass (only the father is allowed in). I remember feeling like it was taking them forever to come back! I just wanted time to look at Kirk and hold him for awhile. I couldn't believe he had such red/blonde hair. We had a couple other visitors at the hospital and were able to get checked out the next day (Sunday). We were all excited because with all of the commotion at the hospital (sharing a room plus having nurses/doctors coming in every hour) we didn't get much rest at all (did I mention my husband and I had to share a little hospital bed?). So we were excited to leave. It was kind of scary driving with him on the way home (plus we had quite a lightning storm to drive in).

That first night home was really hard. I remember a friend wisely gave me the advice that the first night home is the hardest and I can attest to the fact that it is so true! I kept trying to feed him but he just kept crying and it seemed like nothing we could do would help. In hindsight, it seems like he was probably hungry (I found out later that I don't have a big milk supply). As it is, you don't get your milk in for 3-5 days (you have colostrum instead). We had a doctor visit with our pediatrician the next day. We really liked him which was good because we hadn't had time to pick one out ourselves. I really like how he has his own practice and it's small so you don't have to wait out in the waiting room to be seen. When we got in we found that Kirk had lost 9 ounces already (down to 5 lbs 10 ounces) so that wasn't great. He also has a bit jaundice. The pediatrician felt that we probably should have gotten the UV light treatment at the hospital but unfortuantely we had just gotten under the cut off point (I say unfortunate because we ended up checking back into the hospital the next day). So Monday and Tuesday we monitored his billirubin levels (which was traumatic enough taking him to get the heel pricks and blood draws) and then the doctor determined we should go back to the hospital (in addition to being jaundice he was now also dehydrated). At the hosptial he had to go for UV light treatment for one night. That was hard because he was only allowed to have a diaper on and we could only take him out for feeding. It was really cool in the room so I was nervous that he was going to freeze (even though they kept taking his temperature and telling me he was fine). The next morning his billirubin had dropped, but he was still dehydrated. My husband and I were ready to take off but they made us stay another night. At this point they were threatening putting an IV in him so I finally broke down and decided to supplement him with formula after breastfeeding. It was a hard decision because I really wanted to breast feed him and I was nervous giving him the bottle would create latching problems - but those fears were unnecessary. The formula allowed him to get his weight back up and for us to leave the hospital. We are still supplementing him with formula, because he still seems hungry after I feed him. Honestly I'm not sure if that will change or not, but the doctor seems convinced that he is getting mostly breast milk (as evidenced by his poopy diapers) and that in any case he is getting all of the benefits associated with breast feeding. So we'll see how that goes.

At Kirk's one week check up he was 6 lbs 1.5 ounces - so we were very happy to see him almost back up to his birth weight. At 4 weeks he was 7 lbs 15 ounces (16th percentile) and 21 inches (32nd percentile). Today was the first day I put on his 0-3 month size clothing. He finally outgrew his newborn sizes (well just in length). It was kind of sad but exciting at the same time. Now he is just a perfect little baby.

I have a baby!

OK I know this is almost 2 weeks late but did I mention I had a baby? I had no idea how hard it is to find time to do anything (even though everyone says "they sleep all the time"). I'm finding that I have to prioritize everything (e.g., do I want a shower OR breakfast) but today I am up, showered, fed, and he is still sleeping. So finally I can tell you the rest of what happened...but yes, getting to the punch line, I had the baby.

I'm actually using the birth story my doula wrote up for me to cheat a little to fill you in on the rest of the details (although I did notice some of her details were a little off as well) it's just so strange how you forget things! Everything is kind of in a blurr, but especially the concept of time. My husband, doula and I were all trying to figure out the order of when things happened so anyway....this is the best that I can remember!

My doula wrote a lot about us discussing the concept of inducing with the doctors. It actually was a pretty long drawn out process because they really just wanted to go ahead and induce (and thought it was strange that I didn't want to) but I just really wanted to have a natural labor and ultimately, no c-section. But another thing I learned about the birth process is you have to be flexible because things aren't always going to be able to go the way you want them, and ultimately, I want to have a healthy baby. So we started with the cervivil (the thing that softens the cervix) which was supposed to stay in for 12 hours (at that point they can put another one in, or else try something different). The cervidil actually looks just like a tampon (it even has a string) and it fizzes at the end to soften your cervix that way. Well it worked really well on me (probably because I was already having contractions on my own - they said they were about 2-4 mins apart when they hooked me up to the fetal monitor, although I couldn't really feel them) and my water broke at midnight. The funny part was that I was so confused (because I had been sleeping) that I thought I just wet the bed....and then I was like "oh, my water must have broke because I'm still dripping all the way to the bathroom". So at that point they had to take the cervidil out. They told me that it didn't do much in the short time that it was there (they could get their finger through the cervix though now). But at this point I notice my contractions are a lot harder (this happens once your water breaks because the cushion isn't there anymore). So I start trying to do my relaxation techniques (e.g., using the birth ball, walking around). I ask the nurse if I can get into the shower (the suggestion of my doula over text) and they come back and tell me no :( At this point the doctor comes in (around 2am) and tells me she wants me to stay in bed. Um...what? How am I supposed to manage the pain if I'm strapped in bed? (For some reason, the place where it feels the worse is laying in bed) but they were concerned that since my water had already broken and that his head was still high in the pelvis that the cord could get trapped in betweem (likely? Probably not...but these were the doctors I had to work with). The doctor also tells me that she wants to start Pitocin to increase my contractions (at a low dose) rather than have me labor on my own. With the Pitocin and the bed bound orders (with the Pitocin they also had to put an IV in which restricts your movement) the doctor convinced me to get a "walking epidural" (it's an epidural that doesn't paralyze you and actually allows you to walk around although they don't let you do that). At the time I felt defeated about it, but at the same time I was worried if I didn't progress with my water already broken that it would end up in a c seciton which would be worse. So at around 3:45am I get the Pitocin and Epidural (I can't remember which happened first but it was all around that time. In any case, the epidural wasn't placed properly so I didn't actually get the epidiural at all until 6am when they re-did it and put in a new one). When I got the 2nd epidural it was good because it actually allowed me to sleep a little bit. I still didn't call the doula to come back yet because I wanted to sleep (if I could) as much as possible and I felt like at this point there wasn't much she could do.

Although I had the epidural it definitely did not take the pain away! So for any of you thinking this is the easy way out it is definitely not (although much easier than nothing at all). I could still feel all the contractions and I still had to use my yoga breathing through each one. The best I can describe is that it takes the edge off of it. At about 9am the doctor came back and told me my cervix was "paper thin" and about 3 cm (she said 3-4 when I looked really disapointed). She acted really excited about it but all I could think was all that time and I only got a few cm??? She also told me that she thought my pelvis was narrow and that I might have difficulty pushing him out (great). But that there was more room in the back (whatever that means) so it was still possible. I told this to my doula so she could help come up with a good position to push him out. The nurse told me she'd be back to check me again at 1pm so I text my doula to tell her I'll probably get her to come then.

At 11am I start feeling the contractions change and I start feeling this urge to go to the bathroom (as in, number 2). So at first I was confused and thought maybe I really did need to go to the bathroom (I think this is how women have babies in the toilet) but then realized that it probably meant the baby's head was moving down. I told my nurse this and she said that it was a good sign and meant the labor was progressing. I text my doula and tell her to come - even though I don't know how far along I am I get this feeling that things are going to start changing soon. When the nurse comes back I tell her that the feeling is getting stronger and she says she'll check me. When she does she finds that I'm 7 cm and in transition! Whoo hoo. She's really surprised though and asks why I didn't tell her early (um...yeah, I thought I did). Ten minutes later the urge gets even stronger so she says she'll check me again (she hadn't left the room yet) and finds that I'm actually 9cm (it only goes to 10 so it is geting close now). She says she's going to call the doctor and not to push (although you really get this super strong urge to push. So when I'm contracting I actually have to "hold" it).

In the meantime, my husband and I had realized in our haste to pack that we both had forgot phone chargers. Since we knew we would want to call people and let them know the news once the baby came we were trying to come up with ways to get a phone charger. At 10am (after we found I was only 3 cm dialated) my husband considered driving home to get them (good call that he didn't because we live an hour away) but then I thought that our friends Tanya and Aaron (the couple that just had their baby 4 weeks earlier) might have the same charger (it's a simple usb charger). So we had called them and they were on there way to drop it off. I kept wondering what was taking them so long (and my doula for that matter) and when the nurse came in and told me I was going to push in 10 minutes I thought that no one was going to make it. Just then my mom called (and then freaked out when I told her I had to go because I was pushing the baby out in 10 minutes) and then Aaron walked in with the charger. He said he and Tanya were taking turns coming in (they had the baby with them) so by the time Tanya came in I was already pushing. My doula wasn't there yet so she asked if she should stay to help until she got there. So that's what she did, and she did a pretty good job! My nurse wasn't the best so Tanya was really great at getting me a cool face cloth and anything else I needed. When the doula finally ran in she actually had to sit down and Tanya ended up staying for the whole thing!

Ok...baby is awake :) I'll save the next post for the "pushing" part of the labor...stay tuned!

Blogging from the hospital!

Yes I'm in the hospital and yes my DH brought a laptop. I must admit that I was not impressed when the laptop went in the car with the rest of the baby gear but now it is coming in handy.

So as you know I've been having contractions since Sunday. Yesterday I got a bad headache so I almost went in to get checked out (a sign of preeclampsia and with my swollen feet, they wanted me to come in) but I went home from work and drank a lot of water and it went away so I held out for my 10am Dr appt this morning. I almost got out of the appointment without anything eventful until he asked me if I had any fluid leaking. I wasn't sure so he did an ultrasound and discovered my AFI (the fluid around the baby) was only 4 (normal range is from 5-22). At this point in pregnancy the thing they do to fix that is to deliver (because technically the baby is full term). So off we go (after a quick stop at Mimi's....after all, who knows when I'd get to eat!) and try to pack what we can when we got home. I had the baby's bag ready (packed that last night. After all those contractions I figured I'd better get it together!) but not my stuff so it was hard to remember to get everything (incidentally, I forgot my toothbrush). Our doula met us here at the hospital which was great because although I wasn't in labor, I really needed the help making the decision whether to induce and how to speak with the doctors about my birth plan. At first they just wanted to induce me right away but I managed to convince them to do another u/s to check the fluid (incidentally, they think he is about 6 lbs 12 ounces). The fluid was a little better (6) but still in the low range (some doctors want to deliver below 8 but apaprently below 5 is the universal cut off). So after a lot of discussion (mainly balancing what would really change in a couple days vs the risks to the baby if he isn't getting the food he needs from the placenta) we decided to stay. They gave me something to soften the cervix at about 5:45pm (that's to get it "ready" for labor) so right now we are hanging out and seeing how that works. Hopefully by morning I'll be a couple centimeters dialated and we can talk about what to do next (e.g., pitocin or some other drug to jump start labor). As it is, I was already having contractions without the cervix softener (although I couldn't actually feel them) and now they are a bit stronger. Still not much happening though so I think I will be here a long time! They said about 1 to 3 days until baby comes. I am worried about my risk of having a c-section increasing but at this point it's somewhat out of my hands because they think I'm pre eclamptic (my liver function came back just a touch high) so yeah....here I am...having a baby.

Send me good vibes! Will be back to send an update when I have more.

38 weeks

This could be my last 2-week photo update which is just crazy! Of course you could still see me on here in 2 weeks because that's just how these things go....but to give you an update, as of last Thursday I am 80% effaced (that's how thin the cervix is - it needs to get to 100% for pushing out the baby) and the baby's head is in station -2 (which means his head is 2 cm away from the cervix. That part was weird when she told me she could feel his head...wait, there's really a baby in there?!?). Then she said, so you're basically ready for labor so if you want to be induced we can do that now. Um...no that's ok...I'll wait. So yeah, it could be now or it could be a few weeks from now. It doesn't really give you any kind of timeline other than that it's "ready". Well that was enough to get me thinking seriously about it, so last night we finally packed the baby bag (stuff that the baby will need at the hospital). I still have to think about the stuff that I want for me (any clothes you bring they tell you might get ruined/cut off of you) but I did update my ipod last night so I could get some "labor songs" downloaded on there. We also had our last shower on Sunday (my DH side of the family in Tucson) and Friday (with my friends from Phoenix) so after I did an inventory of the loot (and there was a lot!) I went to Babies r us and started buying things that we still need. Yesterday I got the swing we wanted (which is very awesome. My DH put it together last night and we tried it out. Well, no one was in the swing (the dog was spared this time) but we had the music going - including hooking it up to my ipod which was very cool. We can make whatever mix of songs we want for the baby and not get sick of the defaults on there) and today I am going to pick up the mattress for the crib (why am I doing these separate trips you ask? A. Have you seen my car?, and B. They have these 20% off a single item coupons that can only be used once per day. Speaking of, I am really bummed because Bed Bath and Beyond won't send me their store coupons to my PO box! Totally annoying because I'd like to buy some of our bedding from their sister store Buy Buy Baby because target and Babies R Us only carries it online. So I've been trying to convince my friends to give me theirs :)). We also get a 10% off your whole registry on a one-time shopping day, but I'm not sure if I want to save that until after the baby gets here. There are some little things we still need (a grooming kit, thermometer, cover for the changing pad, etc.) but I know there's probably other stuff we need that I'm not thinking of. Like we only have 1 newborn size short sleeve onsie (I know, with all of the clothes we got, how did this happen? And actually, that onsie was one that I had bought myself several months ago). But some people have told me that the 0-3 month size will work just as well (it's only slightly bigger) so I'm thinking I'm going to wait to see how big he is when he gets here to determine if we need more (because I think we have about 10 of the 0-3 month size). I think people are hesitant to buy the newborn size because they either think, a. everyone is buying you newborn stuff, or b. your baby is going to come out bigger than that to begin with (newborn size is about 5-8 lbs).

My other update is that I started having contractions. That started on Sunday, which was a little unfortunate because we had a meeting with my doula in the morning and then our shower in the afternoon so I felt like I couldn't give either my full attention because these contractions kept happening all day (kind of like you're about to get your period but a little more intense vice-grip squeeze). I had a few more during the night and then again yesterday but nothing regular. They have since pettered out - so it's hard to say if they are Braxton Hick contractions (the practice ones that don't do much of anything) or the early stages of labor (which can also go on for days to weeks but at least it's starting to open your cervix). I'll find out more when I go to my appointment on Friday. But either way, it's definitely gotten me panicked into getting my stuff together at work so that I can leave whenever is necessary. So my goal for this week is to get the materials together and sent off to the people who are covering my class. I'm really hoping to be able to teach up until Oct 6th (next Wednesday) so then I won't have to cancel or postpone any classes. So that just means a week and a day this baby needs to hold out!

That's it for now. I included a photo of Brad and I at the wedding. I was going to include a full length shot but for some reason the camera kept making my feet look really swollen :)

Back from the wedding of the year!

Got back late last night from NYC/Jersey (we actually did get to stop in mommentarily at ground zero and check out the new development and monument but most of the time was spent in New Jersey). The weather was perfect (only rained/stormed when we first got in) and everything turned out flawless! Ok, maybe it was a little crazy and rushed, and I'm sure the bride can recount everything that didn't go off exactly as planned, but no one is the wiser that's for sure. I will definitely be posting up some pics soon as my DH took over 300 of them. That's right - 300. He was the paparazzi, which is good practice for when the baby comes. The wedding was DIY all the way which was a first for me. There was so much to do to set up but it all turned out super cool. I was especially in love with the photo booth which I tried to do for my wedding, but was executed so much better for this one. The guys that ran the book literally printed off a series of 4 photos for you to keep, and an extra copy he pasted into a scrap book (complete with fun stickers) and you signed your message for the bride and groom right then and there. This was very fun and captured some very fun momments (including a few new matches made....). Of course the bride was stunning and I was super excited to have been there when she found THE dress.

My dress turned out well but I'll let you be the judge when you see the pics :) I am hoping to get a few more wears out of it before it won't be necesary (the extra panels that is. My MIL has offered to take those out and sew it back to normal so that I can wear it normally again - which I think I might do. Although I might wait a few months to see what my new post-baby size will be). Speaking of, as you know I've been getting away with wearing non-maternity wear for awhile now. Well, those times have ended. Everything is either starting to feel really tight or those huge maternity tops aren't so huge anymore. But not too much longer now (as everyone likes to remind me).

Remember how I mentioned doing photos pre-post baby? Here is the link to a friend of a friend of mine of the photos she did for new baby Matthew. http://emilypiraino.wordpress.com/