a coup d'etat

I started breaking the news at work. Not to everyone, just close personal friends. I'm going to tell the students that work with my research project tomorrow (the 2 main ones) and then everyone else will be next week. The people I told include 3 people that were hired at the same time as me, all of which are planning on having children in the next year or so so they were genuinely happy for me (not the "oooh that's great....so did I tell you about this crazy dream I had?") which was fun. Also fun for me for my own selfish reasons of more people my kid can play with (and I can still hang out with my friends and they won't be annoyed by my kid).

But it all brought up this understanding that we all had regarding parental leave. We were all under the impression that we get a semester off of teaching (because we get 12 weeks total: 6 weeks of parental leave and 6 weeks of family medical leave....not really important but it adds up to 12 weeks which is the important part). So they thought I had it made because I'm having the baby in October (besides dealing with the remaining 6 weeks of classes to get through, I'll have a month off over winter break and then the whole spring semester, which segues nicely into summer. Brilliant.) Well turns out it might not be so brilliant (not that I was the mastermind behind all of this). The verdict is still out, but because I am having the baby halfway through the semester (well that verdict is in) I have to take my parental leave right away - and then the FML can start the beginning of the spring semester. So basically I get 6 weeks off at the end of one semester, and 6 weeks off the beginning of the next. Translation? Who knows. Unlike other positions at the university, we are obligated to teach in whole semesters. So right now I am committed to teach the entire fall semester (despite having leave on the second half) and it is questionnable if I would have to teach in the spring when I come back 6 weeks into the semester. That part is still being decided, but if the answer isn't ("of course you don't have to teach in the Spring") we are in the process of staging a coup. Another faculty member is writing the women's organization on campus for their input of policies in other departments. There really should be a standard set for faculty members because this is obviously something that will/does effect people all the time - and the fact that there isn't a real policy about it creates anxiety over something that you can't do anything about now (the baby is definitely coming!). Apparently you need to have babies on Jan 15 in order for it to be clearly a semester off. Either that or I'm thinking of taking off part way through the semester and picking up 12 weeks later :) But the ironic thing about all this - is the amount of money it will cost for them to pay someone to teach a class for me is so minimal. Actually it is $6100 ($3050 per course). So I'm not even asking for a semester off of work (I still plan to keep up my research and committee obligations) I just want someone to teach my classes.

12 weeks

Here I am at 12 weeks! (BTW charting your belly growth is called making a "belly book" in the preggo world) I can just start to see a bulge at about my belly button area. But it's high enough that I can still wear all of my pants. Also I haven't gained any weight yet so it's a bit of a mystery as to where the pooch is coming from. According to my preggo friend I still have 1-2 weeks before it's going to start to get "uncomfortable" in those skinny jeans...

Start spreading the news....well not just yet

Was talking to the boss as scary as I thought? Yes. Actually worse. I think because girl #1 told her first her first initial reaction was, "this is going to cost us even more money!" (in fact she actually said, "why did you both have to have babies in the same semester? Couldn't you have spread them out?" and then laughed and said "jk") but then her second reaction was excitement (and unsolicited advice including, that I should nurse (which I planned to anyway) and that I'll be really tired from not getting enough sleep through the night. What? No way!). So pretty much what I expected. She didn't tell me much in terms of what I was going to get - in fact, it seemed like it wasn't going to be much at all, but then she sent me to the business lady to talk about it. That reaction was much better. She was very excited for me and is going to try and do what she can to get the most time off for me. They have to give me 6 weeks of parental leave and then another 6 weeks of family leave - but whether they'll make me come back and teach half a course is questionnable (since technically I'll be off leave half-way through the spring semester) and not very likely (according to her). But I'll have to wait and see what she comes up with. At least it is over with now!

Big day tomorrow! I have an appointment to talk to my boss at 1pm (West Coast time in case anyone is on the edge of their seat). After all that debate as to when to drop the news, the decision ended up being made for me when my boss annouced on Friday that she has uterine cancer and will be out of the office starting Thursday for at least a month. The good news is that she is still in an early stage of detection and is doing an aggressive treatment (removing the uterus) so she should recover 100% (well 95% of people do). I feel bad talking to her about this in light of all her health problems going on right now...but I don't want to wait until she comes back and I'm busting out of my clothes.

I have also been thinking about cutting my hair. I always get to this stage when my hair gets super long - but I also think I just want a change. But I definitely do not want a "mom-do". So I need your help! what do you think about these styles? (but with my hair color or maybe even blonder).

Or I am open to other suggestions (including, I'm crazy for even thinking about cutting my hair).

"I like to eat eat eat apples and bananas..."

The midwife called me back last night and wasn't exactly reasurring. I mean, she said it was most likely a virus of some sort but she wouldn't promise me it wasn't a miscarriage. Anyway, after my panic I talked to my DH and he mentioned that he's been having similar symtpoms too. So perhaps we didn't escape Panama completely unscathed (or those sympathy pregnancy symptoms are really powerful). So she recommended I do the BRAT (bananas, rice, apples, toast) diet for 24 hours. And so far, no more symptoms. Granted I don't think I'll be eating bananas for awhile after this....

Possible miscarriage?

I'm freaking out just a little bit. This post may be TMI but pregnancy isn't pretty business. I've been having some "loose stool" for the past 5 days and I really didn't think it was that big of deal (honestly I thought I dodged the constipation bullet that everyone seems to complain about) and even my pregnancy book says that it's normal....but then I read if it was "severe" (as in 3 times a day or more) to call the doctor. So then I realized it's severe....but not that I'm having cramping or anything it's just more annoying - especially with my hour long commute (don't worry, no accidents yet....and I don't mean car accidents). So I just got off the phone with my doctors office and she said the midwife would call me back - but she started asking me all these questions about if I had bleeding or cramping. So then I started freaking out because then I realized she thinks I could be having a miscarriage! I'm so close to the end of my first trimester and I feel fine otherwise so I'm trying not to worry....but I am. :(

to tell (the boss) or not to tell?

Ok well obviously I'm going to have to tell at some point - the question is have I reached that point? I was planning on waiting until after April 2nd (my second Drs visit where they will do another ultrasound and confirm that everything is going normally - marking the end of my 1st trimester) but recently a rumor has been going around work someone we work with is pregnant. After my initial reaction (what? she's having another kid??? The one she has is barely over 1!) my thoughts went to myself, of course, and how this effects me (does this mean there'll be less breaks for me since we're in a tight economy and we can barely get photocopies done without getting the third degree?). See I work in a place that has a parental leave policy....but...it's up to the discretion of the director how that will look. Meaning, I have no idea what I'm going to get. Plus, we are hiring a new director in the fall and the one we have is retiring so it may be a mute point anyway since she may say to me I'll have to wait until we hire someone in the fall to find out my fate. Despite my co-worker getting pregnant it's not like people have babies everyday around here (in fact, she's the only one in recent history) so there's not a real precedent for what happens - and now that we are broker than broke it's really hard to compare it to anything in the past anyway. So....what do you think I should do? Should I still wait until after my Drs appointment to talk to her about it? Or should I talk to her now so I get in on whatever she may be promising to preggo girl #1?

11 weeks

Ok so a lot has happened since I last wrote 3 weeks ago. We had some out of town visiters (my little God child who is just over 2 years old...and she brought her parents along) and then a few days later my husband and I were off to Panama for 9 days (technically more like 7 with all that traveling time but 9 sounds so much nicer). We got back on the weekend and today is officially my 2nd day back at work (I say "officially" since it's probably obvious I'm not doing much in the way of working right now). I posted our pics of the trip on facebook so if you haven't seen them go check them out. It's the first time we used a camera that was created during modern times so we had fun trying out the different settings and actually getting decent pictures (although some came out fuzzy so we obviously have more to learn).

So the good news is I no longer have morning sickness!!! (knock on my fake wood desk). I started feeling better right before our trip and it must be an easter miracle because I felt great the whole time. Not only not sick, but I was able to go hiking, kayaking, snorkeling, etc. all without feeling really tired. Of course I'm a bit more tired now that I'm back at work....so I'm starting to think it's actually work that makes me ill. Yep, I'm feeling the need to take a day off here pretty soon....you know, for the baby.

I got an email update this morning officially letting me know I'm 11 weeks and I should be having a pot belly now. What??!! Still no pot belly (with all the travelling and everything I'm actually 3 or 4 pounds less since my doctors appoint at 7 1/2 weeks) but I'm not concerned yet. I mean really, the longer I can fit into my regular clothes the better. I figure that will all happen soon enough (yesterday I ran into an acquaintance I didn't know was pregnant. So of course I exclaim, "oh you're having a baby! Congradulations" That's how pregnant she was - you don't say something like that unless there's a good sized beach ball under there. Anyway, she was like, "yep, due in June". Wait....June is like 3 months away....so I do the quick calculation and near have a panic attack - I'm going to be that size in 3 months?! I talked to my mom this morning on the phone and she assured me that everyone is different and carries differently so not to worry (my other friend that is only 6 weeks ahead of me is in full on maternity wear). So yeah, it's a weird place between not wanting to have a beach ball over night and wondering where your pot belly is. Incidently, the little fetus is just over 2 inches long (or a large lime) and is growing fingernails so I suppose he/she doesn't need much space yet.

Going back to the visit with my God child (who is the cuttest kid ever btw) made me realize that my blog before about children was probably a bit harsh. See it's not any child that bothers me, it's just the annoying ones. So if I can have a perfect little baby like my God child, all will be fine. My mom reminds me I may not have such an easy baby as her, but I'm hoping that she doesn't know what she's talking about (I mean, she only had 3 kids and I'm pretty sure we were all angels). Plus it reminded me that even if I find the baby stage hard, by the time they are two they are pretty darn cute!

8 weeks

Today I am officially 8 weeks pregnant. According to What to Expect When Your Expecting http://www.whattoexpect.com/ this baby is now the size of a raspberry. Hard to believe. It's not that I never planned on getting pregnant, don't get me wrong, just that now it's really real. Like heard the heart beat, saw the flicker of movement, can't eat anything, real. It's one thing to say you want to have kids some day, and quite another to be carrying one. There's not really any middle steps. Unless I want to start carrying around an egg in my purse and wearing a 20 pound fanny pack, but that's a little Degrassi Junior High. So here I am. Pregnant. Yikes, even just seeing that in print is scary. I'm not exactly the maternal type. I get more excited over puppies than babies (Is there even a comparison there? Come on....puppies!). Babies are awkward. They just stare at you and don't do anything (if your lucky). And the parents of the babies are the worst. They are completely oblivous to the fact their child doesn't have a clue what's going on but they love it when you, innocent bystander, pretend that you don't notice that their baby is boring. So as I was saying, I always wanted to have kids some day. Today is the day (well technically somewhere around Oct. 12th is the day) and the journey has begun.

Thursday we (as in my husband and I....yes, I made him come...although he said he wanted to this really had no impact on whether he came or not) had our first doctor's appointment. We had an ultrasound done and she said that everything looked good and normal (which was a relief. I spent too much time reading other people's blogs and posts online and had convinced myself that I either had a blighted ovum or an ectopic pregnancy. I had to then explain to my husband what these things were). So although we were going to wait until the 1st trimester was up to tell other people our news, the doctor said that there was less than 10% chance that we would lose the pregnancy at that point, so we decided to tell our immediate family on the weekend. We also told a few close friends (really, it's hard to not tell ANYONE. The morning sickness alone requires you have a least 2 people you can complain to.) I am still not telling my boss or my work friends but that's for another blog. I figure they'll figure it out once they see my fashion sense become increasingly matronly (also for another blog). I had to tell my family on the phone since they don't live anywhere near me. But I did tell my mom over skype which was fun. The conversation went something like this:

Me: "Mom, I sent you an email which has the 2nd part of your birthday present"
Mom: "Oh ok" (opens her email which has a scanned photo of the ultrasound) "What is that?"
Me: "You don't know what that is?"
Mom: "No, what is it?"
Me: "Mom, you seriously don't know what that is?"
Mom: "No....is there people in it?"
Me: "Well there's one person in it"
Mom: "I can't see it....they must be really far away"
My husband: "Yeah....like 7 1/2 months away"
Mom: "It looks like a big hole....or a tunnel...."
Me and husband: speechless and trying to control our laughter
Mom: "Is it an ultrasound?"
Me: "YES!"
Mom: "Who's is it?"
Me: "Mine!"
Mom: "Oh........really???" smiling....but still uncertain as to if this is a big joke and there really is a person trapped in a hole 5 miles away.
Me: "Mom, how did you not know that was an ultrasound?! You had 3 kids"
Mom: "Yeah, but I never looked at them"

I found out later from my sister that my mom was very confused because she wasn't sure if this was something we wanted or not (incidently my sister also asked if this was an "exciting momment" or an "oh shit momment") which goes back to my original statement that I am not a maternal person (now you know I'm not just being modest and actually take the neighbors babies to the park on the weekends). I've tried to hold other peoples babies when I see them to get practice but that hasn't worked out too well. One, I don't know many people with babies, two, I don't really want to (it's kind of like when I said I really needed to learn how to cook well before I move out on my own....as it turns out....I still need to learn how to cook well). Before you call child protective services though, people (as in moms) tell me that I will like my children. In fact, they think it is funny that I'm scared I won't like my children. I don't think this is really funny (you probably don't either....really...please put down the phone.). So you see....this journey is really all about me.