1 month old

I can't believe Kirk is 1 month old already. He's in his swing right now. We are all adjusting pretty well to the changes. The first two weeks was harder but now he knows the difference between day and night (yay) and I am getting better at figuring out what he needs. So going back to the day he was born...

The pushing part actually lasted an hour which isn't really that long (it can take 2 to 3 hours for first time moms) but it's not like on tv when you think you just give it a couple good pushes and he comes flying out. I actually felt like I was running a marathon (not that I've ever done that....but I have done a short triathlon and it was something like that. You just keep going even though you don't feel like you're making any progress). I would push anytime I had a contraction so when I wasn't having a contraction I actually got a pretty good break when I didn't feel any pain and could get some ice chips (I was super hot and really thirsty during all of this. Although my husband told me later it was like a refrigerator in their). We tried a few different positions. The nurse wanted me flat on my back, holding my legs but I really didn't like that. For awhile I was squatting on top of the bed with a squatting bar. THat was comfortable for me but the baby wasn't tolerating it well so I leaned back a bit and wrapped a sheet around the squattting bar with the doula holding one side and me holding the other. Then when I went to push I held myself up by pulling the sheet and she held the other end like a tug of war. That worked pretty well so that was the position I stayed in. The doctor doesn't come in until the very end (the crowning).

Part of the difficulty of pushing is the fear associated with it (the harder the push the faster this is over with but it also means it will hurt more). But the whole time I just kept thinking I need to push him out....although I honsetly felt like it would never come. At one point the nurse brought over a big mirror so I could see my progress. It helped a little. But then as it go really close I just had to shut my eyes and focus on pushing as hard as I could. I'm not going to lie...it hurts like a mother the momment the head comes out (I had 2-3 degree tears) and you feel the "ring of fire" (code for the burning sensation you feel as your tearing) but I was also so immensely happy that as soon as he came out I honestly didn't feel any pain at all and felt awesome. My husband and I were both crying (and so was Kirk!) and it was the best momment ever. He laid on me for awhile and eventually they took him to get weighed (6 lbs 3 ounces (11th percentile), 19 inches (20th percentile)) and then wrapped him up for me. At some point I breast fed him and he latched right on. It was the coolest thing. I delivered the placenta by the doctor pushing on my stomach a bit and then she stitched me up. The numbing shot and the pushing hurt a little but I was so excited to have Kirk that it was very bearable. Eventually the nurse had me get up to the bathroom to get cleaned up and they sent my husband and Kirk off to the nursery for his first bath. I then was sent to my recovery room. Unfortunately I had to share a room with someone (who happened to have about 10 visitors when I got there) but the hospital gave us each a $100 gift certificate to spend a the gift shop for the inconvenience (which I used to buy a bunch of breast feeding supplies).

My mother and father in law stopped by just as I was getting into the recovery room so they went down to the nursary to watch outside the glass (only the father is allowed in). I remember feeling like it was taking them forever to come back! I just wanted time to look at Kirk and hold him for awhile. I couldn't believe he had such red/blonde hair. We had a couple other visitors at the hospital and were able to get checked out the next day (Sunday). We were all excited because with all of the commotion at the hospital (sharing a room plus having nurses/doctors coming in every hour) we didn't get much rest at all (did I mention my husband and I had to share a little hospital bed?). So we were excited to leave. It was kind of scary driving with him on the way home (plus we had quite a lightning storm to drive in).

That first night home was really hard. I remember a friend wisely gave me the advice that the first night home is the hardest and I can attest to the fact that it is so true! I kept trying to feed him but he just kept crying and it seemed like nothing we could do would help. In hindsight, it seems like he was probably hungry (I found out later that I don't have a big milk supply). As it is, you don't get your milk in for 3-5 days (you have colostrum instead). We had a doctor visit with our pediatrician the next day. We really liked him which was good because we hadn't had time to pick one out ourselves. I really like how he has his own practice and it's small so you don't have to wait out in the waiting room to be seen. When we got in we found that Kirk had lost 9 ounces already (down to 5 lbs 10 ounces) so that wasn't great. He also has a bit jaundice. The pediatrician felt that we probably should have gotten the UV light treatment at the hospital but unfortuantely we had just gotten under the cut off point (I say unfortunate because we ended up checking back into the hospital the next day). So Monday and Tuesday we monitored his billirubin levels (which was traumatic enough taking him to get the heel pricks and blood draws) and then the doctor determined we should go back to the hospital (in addition to being jaundice he was now also dehydrated). At the hosptial he had to go for UV light treatment for one night. That was hard because he was only allowed to have a diaper on and we could only take him out for feeding. It was really cool in the room so I was nervous that he was going to freeze (even though they kept taking his temperature and telling me he was fine). The next morning his billirubin had dropped, but he was still dehydrated. My husband and I were ready to take off but they made us stay another night. At this point they were threatening putting an IV in him so I finally broke down and decided to supplement him with formula after breastfeeding. It was a hard decision because I really wanted to breast feed him and I was nervous giving him the bottle would create latching problems - but those fears were unnecessary. The formula allowed him to get his weight back up and for us to leave the hospital. We are still supplementing him with formula, because he still seems hungry after I feed him. Honestly I'm not sure if that will change or not, but the doctor seems convinced that he is getting mostly breast milk (as evidenced by his poopy diapers) and that in any case he is getting all of the benefits associated with breast feeding. So we'll see how that goes.

At Kirk's one week check up he was 6 lbs 1.5 ounces - so we were very happy to see him almost back up to his birth weight. At 4 weeks he was 7 lbs 15 ounces (16th percentile) and 21 inches (32nd percentile). Today was the first day I put on his 0-3 month size clothing. He finally outgrew his newborn sizes (well just in length). It was kind of sad but exciting at the same time. Now he is just a perfect little baby.